final bow

i can still feel the touch of your skin against mine every time i close my eyes

feel your breath as it catches the ends of my hair

the way you can make me smile just by the touch of your hand to mine

the way your lips made every particle of my body tingle

how could you have so much power over me

your the only one who can make me sick with only one word

but yet your the only one who had the power to help me with only one look

how can you rule me

you make me doubt myself in the worst ways

but make me feel so empowered, as if i can control all

how can you make me sway so abruptly from one side to another

my head feels like its going to explode with a thousand thoughts

the way you make me feel isn't fair

you can hug me like a bear

and kiss me with no care

but make it feel as if a thousand butterflies were just set lose in my stomach

how can one person have all these affects on one person

i cant fathom another human having so much control over another

but you had me at your every whim

and i regret every chime of time on you

you are nothing to me now

I'm taking my final bow

ugh i hate so many different signs i have to read

ANGER!

boys are so complicated. why cant they just say what they really mean? i thought girls were the only complicated ones, but i think boys are just as hard to understand. i mean they say one thing

but they mean another, like they tell you they don't care about

-HIDING SOMETHING!

you anymore but that's not really what they mean. they just mean they don't feel the same about you anymore and don't know how to say it other than breaking your heart

- HAPPINESS! by saying it all the wrong way. i mean they break up with you because they are so unsure about things and have no real reasoning about why they broke up with you in the first place, but all they can say when they want you back is "I'm sorry i made a mistake." i mean what do you say to that, because you still have feelings for that person, and they always catch you right when your about to move on. it makes things so complicated and hard to know if what they are saying is really how they feel this time. i mean what makes what they are saying so true, why should i trust what boys say now if everything they've ever said to me is a complete lie. I'm way to young to feel this way, i shouldn't even be worrying about these silly things. i mean i can easily think of 10 reasons why i shouldn't feel this strongly about one person right now, but 100 reasons why i cant help but feel the way i do. i just wish i had never started dating in high school and had just stayed single all throughout high school waiting to have all this stress of boys till i got old enough to understand how to deal with it. why cant boys just come straight out and say what they really mean, tell me their true feelings or at least show their feelings rather than try to hide them to seem strong and so confident about things.

christmas shopping

Black Friday was a day of deals and steals, so all the shop windows said, but i went out and had a list made of everything i was getting for people. walking into my first store there was no deal to be found not wanting to go out shopping again i just went ahead and spent the extra money to get what people wanted. i know that i had plenty of money and getting to see the smile on Christmas day when they open their gifts would be all worth the money spent. i love getting gifts almost as much as i love giving them, it makes me feel warm inside to know that i have made someone elses Christmas just by listening and taking note of something they want. i live in a family of about 10 people i buy gifts for and paying no attention to money when getting their gifts can get quit expensive, but at least i knew i would be done with everything after this one day of torture in all the stores. so for Christmas this year since i have spent so much money on others to get them their gifts i really hope i get everything i asked for so i don't have to worry about having to spend money after all the holidays to get what i want. this year i asked for things to help me get prepared for college. i asked for a new t.v., and i-pod with an i-pod dock, a dresser to hold my clothes, a camera, and a new bed frame. i know it sounds like a lot but i have a birthday and Christmas the same time of year so normally what i asked for, for Christmas goes into what they get me for my birthday. so i really hope everyone got better deals than me on black Friday, but also got them something that will bring a smile to their face on Christmas morning. happy holidays everyone hope you give as well as you receive.