why are people so rude? :(

why are people so rude? is it because of their insecurities? is it because they are just plain mean to me because they don't like me? i just don't understand where people get the idea that it is okay to be rude and mean to me, what did i ever do to them? yesterday was just one of those days it seemed like everyone had ganged up and decided to be mean to me and only me, i know that's probably not how it really was but i had gotten some bad news that day and then i had a headache, and just felt all around hurt. i think that people are rude because they think by being brutally honest they will hurt me but the truth of the matter is i would rather find out the truth from them and just hear it straight forward. hearing the news from someone else just make me sick to my stomach knowing that i haven't been told the whole truth, it really hurts. this rudeness could be handled with in a better manner, but it seems that they think by not tell me the whole truth they were protecting me from getting upset but the truth normally comes out one day and the pain just hurts even more knowing that a person you care about can lie to your face and keep it from you for more than a minute. then i went to soccer and thought well i can take out some of my anger here, but i was dong terrible at practice and couldn't even get a good touch on the ball making my mood even worse and then going into this aggressive drill i got nailed in the face about 4 time with elbows. i seemed at the time that my teammates were doing this to me on purpose, but he truth of the matter is they were just playing aggressively and my face just so happens to be next to their elbows causing my face much pain, and my head to hurt even more. so to answer my own question i don't think people are rude on purpose, but to me yesterday that's what i thought when all these things were happening to me. some people may be rude because they are insecure or just don't like me but that hasn't really occurred in a long time, since middle school. people are who they are and the only person or thing that can make them change is themselves and this takes time, and commitment.

my favorite place to go

there's a place that everyone has that they want to go when they are upset, need to think about things, and have a good time. well i have found me one of those places that has a great view, is quiet most of the time, and is a great place to go fishing. this place is relaxing and shows great qualities that have made this the best place to go when I'm upset or scared or just plain happy. i think everyone needs one of these places to go to when they think they have no where else to go, some people can merely just escape in their mind and leave all that they have behind and escape into a world of their own. this is what i do when i escape to my favorite place. where i go to get a lot of thinking done and inspiration for my art projects comes from this special place. a lot of people know about this place and may even use it as their secret get away but nobody knows its mine which is what makes it so special to me. a get away where nobody can find me or get a hold of me a secret outdoor area i can call my own, kind of like the garden in the book the Secret Garden, ever since i read this book i dreamed of a good get away place and now that i can drive I've got a good place of my own. A Dream Come True, Not Asking A Lot Of Anything...

my favorite holiday

my favorite holiday has always been and always will be Halloween and now that its coming up and the leaves are changing its bringing around the more wonderful weather, colors, and holidays. my favorite holiday is Halloween, i mean you get free candy and you get to dress up goofy or scary and be something that your not, which i think are just the best things in the whole world. who doesn't love candy? and getting to dress up as something spooky? well i know i sure do! to add to this great holiday there is great weather and lots of beautiful colors to see as the seasons change from summer to fall. there's even more to love about this great time of year, there are scary movies on t.v., cool decorations that create a spooky feel all about town, which i love, and our annual camping trip to Lincoln State Park over fall break. allof these things coming around right about now has brought around a new me, someone who is happy for her favorite holiday to hurry up and come and all the great things that come with my favorite holiday. i know lots of people's favorite holiday is Christmas which i also like,. but Christmas has no real great feel for me its always cold and a stressful time to make sure you get everyone the gifts they want. this holiday was meant to be something that you remembered Christ and people have turned it into something over done. this is why my favorite holiday is Halloween and not Christmas, its not because I'm like the anti-Christ or anything its just all the things that come with Halloween that make it my favorite holiday.

OMG finding that one photo

okay so i come home from work and arrive to my mom with pictures all over the house. she's been here for an hour or so and all she's seemed to do is make a big mess and find nothing. she's been looking for this one picture of me on my sisters bike that she got for her birthday and i really wanted to ride it even though i was too little and i had been on this streak of wearing my new goggles that i had gotten to go swimming. my mom was standing behind me as i set off down the sidewalk cheesing really big with my goggles on and the bike about to tip over. my dad took the picture and this has turned out to be the best picture that my mom wanted to use for the senior pictures and she couldn't find it out of all my pictures it was no where to be found. when i got home to see my mom so distraut over this one picture i decided to help her find it. not having a clue where it could be either i just looked through what she had already gone through and not being able to find it either i found some other really cute pictures of me that my mom could use for the senior thing but she insists on the one with me on the bike. not being able to find it after and hour or two we give up and just hope it will turn up over time. i hate when you are looking for something and you just cant find it and then you find it when you least expect it. after all the hard work and dust covering me and my mom and the house being a wreck we decide to just pick up and hope to find it in time. lets just hope we find this picture so i can satisfy my mom.

college essays and scholarships

so I'm kind of thinking these college essays for scholarships are really going to catch up to me soon and I'm not going to get it all done and then I'm not going to have any money to pay for college. i mean i know I'm not going to be able to pay for all of my college without taking a loan but id like to get as much scholarshipmoney as possible. this is what i have been working so hard for in high school for; i make good grades, take all the challenging classes, and i am trying to raise my ACT score all for my future as a college student. now i just need to take the time and fill out as many scholarship applications as possible and get as much money as i can. this is going to be my best bet i just hope i can do it before the deadlines. i think something that would help me a lot with these applications would be to write some essays in my English class and have other English teachers revise them to make them sound as good as possible for the college council and other scholarship reviewers to read. i think this is something that the AP class is doing and would be a great activity for us to do. this will help not only me but other people in my class who are worried about college and not getting everything done in the given time.

why do people always want what they can't have?

sometimes i just wish nothing came down to the cost of things and just relied on trade and trusting among good people. here in the united states that's not how things work, everyone must go to school, and have job in order to survive in this competitive economy we have today. the new inventions and great minds of the world make it so hard not to want what you just cant have unless you have the money for these things. having a job in high school and playing sports can be stressful and very time consuming, so in order to manage my time better in high school with my challenging schedule and time consuming sport i had to quit my job during soccer season which means a cut back on buying. this just so happens to be more difficult than i thought because I'm wanting a lot lately. having lots of thoughts of the future and college i want to try to be ahead of the game by buying stuff ahead of time so i don't have to buy it all at once and have no college fund money when i actually get there. i know this sounds silly but i like to think ahead and be prepared for the distant future. the concept of having a trade system back and just plain kind people to give you what you want and need would be great but cause a fault in our society because people are now used to earning what they buy and paying overly priced prices for things that they want. if only the world would be more conducive to the type of lifestyle i want to live without working to hard for the things that you want or need. but then the probability of me taking care of these things would reduce because in the back of my mind i would know i didn't really work that hard for it and i could just get another one. so having what you always want isn't the best thing for the real world, but i can always dream.

a scarey phone call

as im walking through the store i feel my phone vibrating in my pocket not wanting to answer because i was so busy focusing on what i was buying for my art project i get this feeling in my gut saying to do it. as i pressed the button to answer the phone i hear my moms voice on the other side and as the words escape her mouth so slowly and calmly saying that Marcie had been in a car accident, my heart just drops with worry. all i could think about when she said this is how one of my friends on teh soccer team and how one of her friends mom and her had been in a car accident and her mom had died, only two days before marcies accident. then i heard the reassuring words of that she is fine, just a few scratches, maybe a concussion, a broken nose, and a pretty banged up car. there was no real treat of death so some relief lifted when i heard these words from my mom. hearing marcie in the background saying she okay only worrying about when she can eat, and go home to see belle, thats just marcie for ya. knowing tha marcie was okay just hurting her nose and ego a little bit and completly totaling the car sticking to her story that it wasnt her fault, when it really was juat made the situation harder for her to comprehend. when i arrived hom ei inspected her nose and asked her a few questions about what had happened she seemed in pain whch just made me feel uncomfortable to see her in so much pain which she's never in. sitting here watching my parents stress over the totaled car and marcies broken nose and watching marcie hold an ice pack up to her nose is just yet another typical night in the blandford househole.

the broke artist

this year i took an IB art class and have became very interested in the artwork i do, so interested money has become no factor to how far i will go. for example to day i had an idea of what i wanted my next piece to look like and to get all the supplies i needed i went on an adventure to my new favorite store, Hobby Lobby, to buy my goods. when i stepped in the store my eyes lite up with joy and i went straight for the floral decor. knowing what i was looking for made it actually harder to find because the flowers had to be the specific colors of the colorful roses i had previously taken photos of. after finally finding several flowers that were sufficient i went back to the back to make sure the piece i had bought the day before would look okay with the flowers i passed by an array of quotes that captured my attention all dealing with love which is the symbol of my piece this time. as i read the quotes i realized i had an ingenues idea to make my piece even grander. i walked around and gathered some great quotes and in doing so i stumbled across the most amazing piece that went perfectly with the thing i had bought the day before and i just knew it would all come together with this metal hanger type thing. getting all the supplies together and assembling right there in the aisle seeing it all together just told me for sure this is what i was going for and was great. satisfied with my great finds and thinking nothing of the price yet i arrived up at the cash register with a huge grin of accomplishment when all of a sudden i heard the terrifying price. not wanting to give up everything i had looked for i just swiped my card and held back the tears as the money was swiped from my bank account into the hands of the over priced economy. i call my mom first thing and tell her the stupid thing I've done and she just reassures me that art is expensive and that she knows i have a passion for it, which might catch up to me one day and make a dying poor artist one day like Van Gogh, but that its all worth it just to see the look on my face and the faces of my viewers when they see the final piece i have created.

these darn blogs!

AHHH technology !
okay so i used to love writing in our notebooks last year and the first thing i bought for school was a cute, little, purple journal. just as i had got used to the journals last year she decides to use technology this year and make us write blogs. i have nothing against blogs except for the fact that they are on the computer, and i have spastic computer a lot of the time that just decides not to work. i do like the fact that on blogs you can comment on what other people say because i would like to know how many people actually enjoy writing these blogs... blogging can be fun and easy if only technology always worked, but that's just the case this afternoon i was trying to do this blog and it kept logging me in and out and then i went to the bathroom for like 5 minutes and my computer just decides to shut off. do you know how frustrating it is to try and get things done when technology isn't on your side, well let me tell you first hand it is exhausting how much time i waste on just trying to get something to work the way it should. it doesn't really help that I'm technologically challenged and should probably take a computer 101 class and with more patience I'm sure this whole blogging thing wouldn't be so bad. does anyone else feel this way towards this darn blogging or just plain out dislike technology in general?

Committment

commitment is the key to all relationships, you have the trust issue and the loyalty to uphold. my relationship has had its up in downs in the past two years. which doesn't feel as long as that. we've dealt with the loyalty portion last year when we both had to figure out what we needed from one another to stay together. he ended up lying to me and getting caught never a good situation. at this moment in time I just wanted to crawl up in a hole and figure out what i had done wrong for him to want to lie to my face about something so big. it still to this day doesn't really make sense. his logic was he was scared i was going to leave him and then he would be all alone, but in a relationship that's the risk you are willing to take. you have to trust one another, and tell the truth no matter how bad it may be. now having resolved the whole loyalty issue we have moved on to trust which we both struggle with. our commitment to one another and love we share kept us together during that emotional time. we now just stay truthful to one another and tell each other what we are doing when we're not together. this still has its faults because in the back of my mind I'm always wondering if he's just lying to me again to keep his butt safe. we spend more time with one another and try to support each other in everything we do. this commitment has taken time, patience, loyalty, trust, and lots of love and support from others. most people these days don't understand the meaning of commitment, maybe that person is me, but i fellas if this definition works for me and my relationship and am happy to say it has supported us through hard times and good times. today September 9th is our two year anniversary, and we are still hanging in just like the rest of the world only fighting off the world as a couple rather than as individuals.

OMG math!

I'm normally the one that gets math, i understand numbers, but this year in math "AP Calculus" is about to drive me crazy. I'm in a class full to the brim and it makes it very hard to concentrate, we also have a sub right now that is very sweet but she is learning along with us which makes it hard to understand what she is teaching. the part that scares me is that i have a test in there tomorrow and i have no clue what we have even learned thus far. so i came home and started on all my homework never spending more than an hour on math i ended up spending almost 3 hours reteaching myself and taking my notes from my own book and trying to figure out what it was saying so i could complete the review for the test. I'm just hoping this will be enough to help me do good on this test. i mean I've never had to put so much effort into something I've always been blessed with a great math teacher. i know i have a great teacher but she had to have this time off to recover, and i need time to recover from this studying. i just wish this sub that we have would understand that some of us students didn't want this AP course but had to take it because we couldn't have an accelerated class because not enough people signed up. i think this teacher should allow us to take this test home or at least use our notes because even with my notes on my homework i barely understood what to do right after teaching to myself. this class is just crazy all around and i think it's just too much especially since its not the class i wanted.