Letting you back in!

Letting someone back in can be hard, but hitting the refresh button can be one of the easiest techniques used to open back up. Wanting for that relief to come can cause more pain, but once that hurt is gone nothing is blocking your view. Nothing and on one can stop you! When you are open to letting someone back in you have to allow them full access and be sure and hit the refresh button no matter how difficult it may be. You control your feelings and who you let in, no body else, only you! So take a stand, speak the truth to everyone you know, be kind, and open your heart to a cool new fresh start.

Do I Live Purposefully?

I think life has as much purpose as you make it have. It really all depends on what you think has purpose. I think making it through each day with family and friends and living each day to its fullest serves every day you live to have purpose. Every day I wake up thinking today is a new day, meet new people, try new things, and make this the best day ever. Even when a day goes wrong it's like I can't wait to go to bed and make the next day better than the one before. So living your life to its fullest is in your hands, how you see what serves purpose to you may differ from what I see purposeful. Even so every living thing serves a purpose; A tree giving us humans oxygen and us humans plant even more trees to keep living. Everything does something to serve purpose not only to their own life but other people's lives as well.

IB Art

Over the past four years of high school my artistic abilities have expanded far beyond my imagination. Taking IB Art this year has helped me to perfect my art style but influenced me to future my art career. Taking on option b was a tough decision for me and my art teacher but after a couple projects we found option be to be my best choice. With being graded heavily on my notebook I was focusing more time on my notebook than my actual projects. Always pressing for time to achieve my final artworks and always concerned about every last detail made for a challenging class. Using my technique in photography and my ability to think outside the box took functioning pieces and I turned them into functioning art. Using my general ideas and building from that as I'm influenced by the things I see around me. My theme being nature made for an array of my artistic skills to shine through not only my artwork but also my notebook. Treating my notebook as my own personal diary and filling the pages with my words of frustration, happiness, sadness, and resources makes it hard to turn them loose. Taking what I have learned about myself through to my artwork has made for three full books displaying my skills, concerns, purposes, sources, techniques, process, influences, media achievements, and my overall focus.

Big Green Booger

My first driving lesson was in the Apollo parking lot with my mom in the "Big Green Booger." The Big Green Booger referring to the van because it is huge, boxy, and green. Back to driving now; so first off I had to move the seat like all the way up to the steering wheel and even then that wasn't good enough. I then proceeded to have to put a first aid kit under my butt just so I could see over the dash board. By the way I was about to turn 16 when I had this first driving experience. So being 15 1/2 in the Big Green Booger with my mom in the school parking lot of AHS was quite an experience. Now that I was all adjusted it was time to get the car started and put the pedal to the metal and that literally is what I did. The car started and when I got it into drive the car jumped forward and I was off to the races. Remember now I was in an empty parking lot, meaning there were no cars but that didn't mean there were no poles. So you can guess what happens next? Did you think I crashed? No, I didn't crash, I whipped the van around the pole in a donut nearly tipping it over. After that was all said and done my mom never let me drive again until after I got my permit. And still to this day my driving skills aren't the best! LOL

Trading lives

if i could trade my life with someone, it would have to be my grandma! she is an amazing character who is full of life even all the way up into her 80's. she never stops living for the moment and believes in second chances, true loves, and a good time all the time. she has her rough days, just like anyone, were all she thinks about are the people she's lost that are so dear to her, but then she remembers all the great people shes met throughout the years that still surround her with the presence of their beauty. she has amazing stories to tell and much wisdom behind her years, this wisdom in-which she tries to pass down to me and my sisters everyday. she helps us with sticky situations weather it be boys, money, or morality.
for years past i feel like i have just take my grandma for granite, but these days every moment spent with her feels like a new memory for cherish because who knows when her last memory with me will be. my grandma inspires me to be the best person i can be and live each moment to the fullest never letting anyone or anything stand in my way. she had taught me to be strong, independent, loving to all things good or bad, and most of all to cherish every memory because one day they will be the things that keep you around.
she tells me god has a purpose for everyone and everything he does you may not understand his reasoning now but one day that door that he closed for you will only lead to you opening anew door to discover new things, weather that be love, money, or just more precious people awaiting your presence.
if a woman can be in her 80's and still have the courage to live on her own, take care of her own home/farm, drive, cook and have an excellent memory never forgetting a holiday or birthday that seems like a good person to learn from and even trade a day in time with.

St. Patty's Day

St. Patty's
Day

Green Leprechauns with pointy ears
The sounds of coins is what one hears
Rainbows are the secret to the gold
So with some luck they will unfold
Coins of many shapes and colors
Found because of Leprechauns lovers
Rainbow colors shouting towards le fin
Show the luck of the Irish in a bin
Four leaf clovers
And green ice cream from Culvers
Making for a beer goggle night
Bringing forth lots of Irish pub fights
And the knocking out of lights
On the joys of being and Irish Leprechaun
Never strays to far from being gone

PURPOSE

Keeping a strong state of
mind and being so determined can sometimes make my life stressful. Without the
gratification of completing something my life would consist of very little free
time to just relax. Having to make appointments and lists makes for a full day
but with a full day come purpose to life rather than doing nothing all day long.
Being productive feels good at the end of the day, but having some ME time
is what I really need. So from this point forward I'm going to take it day by
day, get as much done as I can but still make time for ME time. With that ME
time there will be less stress all the time and more time to do what I want
rather than just what I need to do.

Lessons learned

Sometimes the hardest things to learn in life turn out to be the most important. Lessons learned through mistakes made or mistakes made while learning a valuable lesson can be some of the key points of what is to be learned.
Having made lots of mistakes and still adding on one mistake I can never seem to rid myself of is y.o.u. meaning youthful. out of control. unforgiving. These three things are lessons people still learn from birth to death, never really riding yourself of your youthful ways. Out of control actions and mind set and your willingness to forgive the unforgivable.
If all lessons are to be learned the first time around everyone would be perfect making this world of imperfect people a bore. If the world was boring and fair all the time there would be no true human nature of choice and we would become a world of walking, talking, and doing robots.
So I thank God for my imperfect mistakes like y.o.u. because it makes the world something of an interesting character.

Reasons for Getting Tattoos

1. Most people get tattoos because they have some sentimental meaning behind them. a story to tell that can be displayed on your body for the world to see.

2. Others get tattoos because they want to show their expressions of likes and dislikes on the outward side of their body. its like a body suit of art allowing all to see the way they are.

3. Then there are those artistic people who use their body as a canvas to show the world on no better place than their own body, making as a gallery of art for different people to see everyday.

Now my reasons for getting my tattoos:

• First off i like the pain received while getting a new tattoo. its like your whole body becomes numb with sensation of the needles hitting my skin and the fact that it is such a permanent move in my life that i can now make, makes it all the more worth while.
• i love the symbolism or story behind each tattoo and and the way they look on your body, I'm very artistic so having a saw in what kind of art i can display on my own body makes me feel like i have control and a beautiful piece of art to show for it.
• i love the way tattoos look on people and asking about why they got them there and why they got that, its a good conversation piece and makes for a beautiful piece of art that can be permanent.
• i myself have three tattoos and enjoy each one of them. i have three stars in purple, pink, and blue on my back between my shoulder blades for a representation of me and my other two sisters. then i got these angel wings on the sides of the stars because of this saying my dad would always tell me and my other sisters. he would say, "you girls are my three little wonders of the world and angels of the heaven." thus my reasoning for the stars because they are seen as the wonders of the world and the sky and the angle wings to the sides as a symbol for the my dads old saying and seeing us as his little angels.
• The other tattoo that i have is of a hark, which a type of bird, holding an olive branch in its mouth on the top of my foot. this one definitely hurt the most out of the three but was well worth all the pain in the end. the end result is a great piece of art that i can see everyday as a reminder of why i got it. i got this tattoo to symbolize the bird that left Noah's arc to go in search of dry land. returning to the boat with an olive branch to show the people that there was still a chance of living on this earth. this tattoo is a symbol for second chances, and putting it on my foot is another symbol as a thanks to god for letting me walk this earth that he left us with.

Who or What Makes Me Laugh...

Well just about anyone can make me laugh but the people i laugh the most with to the verge of tears swelling my eyes would have to be my three best friends: Gabby, Joslyn, and Kelsey. when we all get together there's no telling whats going to be said or done. nothing can ever get accomplished with the three of us together because we are way to busy laughing and having a good time. they all make me for different reasons: gabby makes me laugh because of her witty comments she makes on everything and everyone, Kelsey makes me laugh because of all the dumb things that come out of her mouth, and Joslyn makes me die laughing because she just has this awkward way about her where she can make the funniest faces making everyone laugh around her. we all get along because we are all so different but at the end of the day we can make it as best friends because we all like to have a good time in life and live it to its fullest. laughing as much as possible to make up for all the hurt we've all already endured, being there for one another making each other laugh and feel good about the bad when you think it just cant be done. well me and my friends are true friends that are there for one another no matter how many miles apart. sometimes the distance between us makes it all the more worth while when we do all get together because we know the jokes will be better and the stories of heart breaks will be ready to be talked about and mended over with laughs and some good ol' humor that we each put out on the table in a different fashion, just like our personalities.

Ways to say No without saying No

1. Yea right-sarcastic way to say no

2. Not in a million years- old saying for a big NO.

3. Naw man- gangster talk

4. Over my dead body- no in a hateful way

5. Or not- when someone asks you to do something and instead of just saying "no" to what they want you to do you say "OR NOT."

6. Wouldn't you like to know- This is when your talking to someone you don't want to tell something to and instead of saying "no," the way to make them mad is to say this.

7. Aw man- The other team just made a goal someone is the stands doesn't yell out "NOOOO" they yell out "Aw man" or curse words. ha ha

8. Its a possibility- This always means no when your parents say this.

9. Non- French for NO

10. Nope- that's the way i say no when I'm in a good mood.

long question, short answer

WIFE As ME:

Why would you go the grocery
without telling me because if you knew me at all you would know
to always ask because i needed cereal, milk, eggs, bread, cheese, and bathroom
stuff, sheesh you idiot, just go get in your car again and get your little
butt back to the grocery?

HUSBAND As ME:

Sorry
honey bunny.

ME:

Why are the simple joys in
life like going outside and seeing a butterfly that's orange and yellow on a
sunflower so difficult to really enjoy when your so upset about other things
going on in your life, like your boyfriend breaking up with you?

ME to ME:

Simple joys are blinded by
boys

ME:

Why do i look at my phone
every five seconds to see if you've text me back when i know my phone hasn't
buzzed or rang, the paranoia of you taking longer than 5 minutes to text back
always make me get a sick feeling in my gut, and then all i get back from a 3
page text is one letter "K"?

ME to ME:

Sorry i lied but my phone
just died.

What is silly?

Something that is silly to me how i can be in love with someone so much and he doesn't even give a care in the world about me. i notice him even when he thinks I'm not there. he knows me in and out like a book he's read a thousand times. he makes me sick every time he says something wrong acting as if everything is still okay. how can i be so silly to care about one person so much when it doesn't even change anything. i hate crying and being mad at him. i hate all the mistakes made and all the silly fights over nothing. its silly that i tried to push away the one i love the most in this world. how silly of me right now to be crying over him because a song is making my eyes swell with tears as he sits next to acting as if nothing has happened between us. how silly of me to feel this way after everything!

life is like a game of chess you can move one pone forward but that can bring you back one move in the game. something so small like the move of a pone can be so intuitive to the movement of the game that it can cause your opponent the upper hand on check mate. life is similar in the since that if you want to take that first step forward in your life and don't really think about the consequences this microscopical move can turn to something monumental. without these moves that makes things so monumental life would be a bore with no excitement and no pain. i know a life with no pain sounds good and all just like thinking you are up on your opponent by moving that pone to that square. without pain no one would really know what the fulfillment of happiness would really be. no winner to the game is a world of hurt but there must always be a winner because in this game of chess each piece must be moved; just like in life, it will go on. through all the bad you discover the good and take from it to make that check mate your gain the next time around.

WINTER

wilting trees losing their life in these cold moths but capturing the shimmering ice as the frozen water fall from the sky, with wind chilling days. white nights as the snow falls to the ground and, western winds chilling the faces of southerners working up the courage to make a new years resolution and, work over your fears of the icy roads and slushy snow beneath your tires. work out all the kinks in your life that make you unhappy while the water is freezing over awaiting blades to scrap the top layer. white snow untouched, sitting atop the ground so innocent until that first foot print is made and all innocence is lost. wide open doors to shops and stores were customers trample each other for that on sale gift that every kid wants for Christmas winter is a time of wilting, winding, windy nights were darkness envelops the light of day...

The Advice of a Dog

What advice would a dog give me about life if it could talk?

1. don't procrastinate doing something (Commands) your told to do, if you do your reward (treat) will be farther from your grasp (Harder to eat).
2. when someone is mad at you tell them how sorry you are and make up for your wrong doing. Dog translation "If you pee on the carpet give them the big puppy and take your punishment."
3. Always be there for a friend in a time of need. Dog talk "sit in owners lap when they have a bad day they are always the one helping you in your time of need."
4. never take someone for granted. doggy speaking, "you are my best friend and i don't know what i would do without you, you give me all my necessities and more."
5. don't eat or drink everything random people or friends give you. puppy interpretation, "sitting under the table waiting for food to hit the floor can be good at the moment but cause great surprises later."
6. take time to meet new people and help them along the way. dog talking, "stop and sniff a few butts on a walk, make some friends who look lost."
7. don't take something that isn't yours. puppy chat, "if you take a $300.00 pair of shoes to practice your chewing abilities on make sure to be ready for the consequence of taking something that wasn't yours."
8. learning something new can be rewarding. dog talk, " learning a new trick can lead to more treats."
9. always keep a lookout for the ones you love. dog translation, "be alert to bark at the door if someone strange comes to the house, keep guard of your owners."
10. don't be distracted by the little things in life remember to always look at the big picture. doggy input, " if you see a squirrel in the street don't just run out and get it, be sure to look for the bigger objects like cars coming in your direction."

GOSH I'm an Idiot

to recount all the stupid things I've don't you would have to follow me with a video camera to get all of those in the moment crazy stupid things I've done!

here is one that comes to me now, but it would be more funny if you were there to see it...

driving down parish with a flat tire and singing at the top of my lungs already running late to school when all of a sudden a lady pulls over in the turning lane and is motioning me to roll down my window. when i do so I'm already so embarrassed because i was singing and dancing probably shaking my whole car, and she saw me doing this. i thought she was going to make fun of me or something, but turns out she was tyring to tell me i have a flat tire. wow! i mean i didn't even realize i had a flat tire after driving down the road for more than 5 minutes. the flat tire was even on the drivers side i don't know how i didn't notice it when i got into my car, and how i didn't even realize i had a flat tire after i started driving. i guess i had my music to loud and didn't notice the balance issue because i was dancing. now i have to pull over at a gas station at 8:13 in the morning and pull all the junk out of the trunk of my car so i can get to my donut wheel. when i get everything out and try to figure out what to do first, while I'm calling my mom, dad, and boyfriend to come rescue me but no answered of course. so I'm sitting on the ground on the verge of tears when all of a sudden these two guys come help me change my tire faster than anything I've ever seen. i end up only being 5 minutes to school.

so yeah that's my idiotic story of the week !! ha ha... it's just so ME :)

ugly words

LIST of UGLY WORDS:

1. mucus

2. lobe

3. through

4. pus

5. roar

6. crayon

7. rural

8. whisk

9. squish

10. folk

11. snout

12. cliff

13. cement

14. spangled

15. spagetti

16. pacifier

17. itch

18. pimple

19. wrinkly

20. lent

21. retard

<>

Possibilities

My possibilities for the next 12 months are already becoming realities. I'm already trying to stay out of drama, but that hasn't happened for me yet. i try to do things to settle feuds between old relationships but rather than being grown up about things and just talking things out, they have their girlfriend text me and call me complaining. and rather than him just telling the truth he lies. so i give up! i want no more drama for 2010, but i don't think this is what the people around me want. moving on from that subject though i have found new friends and relationships. these next 12 months are beginning to look up for me. i have a new boyfriend now and he's one i hope to keep because he is cute, sweet, funny, and he likes me for me. i also know i have the possibility of graduating high school with an honors diploma and going off to college to get started on my degree, art therapy. the possibility of making it to my birthday is questionable, but if i do then i will be sure it is the greatest 18th birthday ever. and the way things are going now with new friends and fun experiences i think ill make it for two more days then a new age bringing on new responsibilities and even more memories. so 2010 possibilities are looking good, i just hope others are taking on change with the new year too so in the future things can be even better.

Carma

I dont believe in bad luck but i do believe in carma. carma can be a B**** as people say, and i believe it to be true. i think bad lucj isnt something that just comes upon you its something you make for yourself through the things you so and say. there are so many different types of superstition and saying of having luck that i dont see how anyone can know them all to believe in them. but i do think someone made all this stuff up, maybe it was the lepercons. haha just kidding. i dont think superstition exsists its all in your head or what your grown up being told. in reality though god is the master of your life so nothing is left to fate if your in his hands. now what i do believe in is carma, which is when one person gets a payback down the road for either something good or bad that they've done.

Reading Mentor Ship

taking on reading mentor ship was not only a responsibility but a privilege. i got to leave campus every other day and have a certain time frame to be back, just how the real world is going to be. the privilege of this class was getting to see my kindergartners see me as not only another student but something of a teacher and a friend to talk to . i really enjoyed this class of wound up kids, they really taught me a lot about how to be more like ea kid again but take on responsibility when needed. the teacher Mrs. Roberts was an excellent person from whom i learned a lot of new things. she taught me how to make the classroom not only a place of discipline and learning but how to take the mind of a kindergartner and hold their attention span by doing an activity that would keep them enthused while still learning the lesson at hand. after only about a week of being at this class i began to learn every kid's name and become so familiar with each kid and their way of working, really made mt job a breeze. i would just watch and help when needed. there were those days when these children new when to give you a hug to make you feel wanted and yell Ms. Molly as you walk into the room. this really makes for a great welcoming form such innocent eyes looking up at you as they have their arms wrapped around your waist. the times in this class weren't always so giddy however; when it came to some of the kids who were already learning to disrespect not only the other children, but also their teachers. this is when the discipline played a role in warning cards and letters of bad demerit went home to the parents. i really hated having to get on to kids at such a young age, but it was time for them to understand what the word "NO" really meant, and when someone older tells you to do something, you do. so this class wasn't just a builder for me but a new lesson learned with each and every kid the second i walked into that classroom. i really enjoyed not only getting to know every child but also having conversations with Mrs. Janie, Mrs. Roberts teacher aid, about why the kids were acting the way they were and how i could go about helping them. making it ever so clear to that helping kids is what i want to do for the rest of my life. i want to major in art therapy where i can help out disturbed kids through the expression of art. this class was an experience i will never forget, really helping me to put into perspective how the real world is going to be, and confirm a career choice.

My autobiography used for sweet 16

One word that describes me would have to be extrovert. ever since the day i was born, my om said, "I've never met a stranger and never been afraid to try something unexpected." i love to be competitive not only in sports but in academics as well, being number one isn't always the biggest thing to me but the idea of working as a team and being a leader keeps my drive to win high on my list. determination is another word to describe me; I'm driven because i know what i want tot do with my life now i just need to figure out how to get there.

My awards while at Apollo consist of academics, leadership, and athletics. i have been on the all A or A/B honor roll since arriving at Apollo. i was on the homecoming court for two years in a row, and elected by my class to be the secretary of student council my freshman and sophomore year. along with these awards i was also picked as captain of the girl's soccer team not only because of my great attitude but leadership skills for the other girls to follow. for four years i received the 110% award for soccer, because every time i stepped onto the field i was always encouraging my teammates and never willing to give up.

I think the eagle family has made me aware of how a school can be more than just a place to learn but an extension of my family. saying hello to people in the morning and always having a smile back takes my bad days and makes them a little brighter. the way the faculty and the students work together to make this school the best it can be makes me glad to say I'm a part of its family.

New Years poem

This year's been a rough
year.

Lots of tears but still
i had my share of cheers.

Starting this new year
off with the ones i love most,

But spending that time
with him feels like nothing to boast.

Too many tears shed as
all the thoughts run through my head.

I had, what i
consider, something real to remember.

It was a year of friend
making and love chasing.

But with this new year
of twenty ten there will be nothing that can bring me to my end. Starting my new
year off fine, but never forgetting two thousand and nine.