final bow

i can still feel the touch of your skin against mine every time i close my eyes

feel your breath as it catches the ends of my hair

the way you can make me smile just by the touch of your hand to mine

the way your lips made every particle of my body tingle

how could you have so much power over me

your the only one who can make me sick with only one word

but yet your the only one who had the power to help me with only one look

how can you rule me

you make me doubt myself in the worst ways

but make me feel so empowered, as if i can control all

how can you make me sway so abruptly from one side to another

my head feels like its going to explode with a thousand thoughts

the way you make me feel isn't fair

you can hug me like a bear

and kiss me with no care

but make it feel as if a thousand butterflies were just set lose in my stomach

how can one person have all these affects on one person

i cant fathom another human having so much control over another

but you had me at your every whim

and i regret every chime of time on you

you are nothing to me now

I'm taking my final bow

ugh i hate so many different signs i have to read

ANGER!

boys are so complicated. why cant they just say what they really mean? i thought girls were the only complicated ones, but i think boys are just as hard to understand. i mean they say one thing

but they mean another, like they tell you they don't care about

-HIDING SOMETHING!

you anymore but that's not really what they mean. they just mean they don't feel the same about you anymore and don't know how to say it other than breaking your heart

- HAPPINESS! by saying it all the wrong way. i mean they break up with you because they are so unsure about things and have no real reasoning about why they broke up with you in the first place, but all they can say when they want you back is "I'm sorry i made a mistake." i mean what do you say to that, because you still have feelings for that person, and they always catch you right when your about to move on. it makes things so complicated and hard to know if what they are saying is really how they feel this time. i mean what makes what they are saying so true, why should i trust what boys say now if everything they've ever said to me is a complete lie. I'm way to young to feel this way, i shouldn't even be worrying about these silly things. i mean i can easily think of 10 reasons why i shouldn't feel this strongly about one person right now, but 100 reasons why i cant help but feel the way i do. i just wish i had never started dating in high school and had just stayed single all throughout high school waiting to have all this stress of boys till i got old enough to understand how to deal with it. why cant boys just come straight out and say what they really mean, tell me their true feelings or at least show their feelings rather than try to hide them to seem strong and so confident about things.

christmas shopping

Black Friday was a day of deals and steals, so all the shop windows said, but i went out and had a list made of everything i was getting for people. walking into my first store there was no deal to be found not wanting to go out shopping again i just went ahead and spent the extra money to get what people wanted. i know that i had plenty of money and getting to see the smile on Christmas day when they open their gifts would be all worth the money spent. i love getting gifts almost as much as i love giving them, it makes me feel warm inside to know that i have made someone elses Christmas just by listening and taking note of something they want. i live in a family of about 10 people i buy gifts for and paying no attention to money when getting their gifts can get quit expensive, but at least i knew i would be done with everything after this one day of torture in all the stores. so for Christmas this year since i have spent so much money on others to get them their gifts i really hope i get everything i asked for so i don't have to worry about having to spend money after all the holidays to get what i want. this year i asked for things to help me get prepared for college. i asked for a new t.v., and i-pod with an i-pod dock, a dresser to hold my clothes, a camera, and a new bed frame. i know it sounds like a lot but i have a birthday and Christmas the same time of year so normally what i asked for, for Christmas goes into what they get me for my birthday. so i really hope everyone got better deals than me on black Friday, but also got them something that will bring a smile to their face on Christmas morning. happy holidays everyone hope you give as well as you receive.

making new friends

making new friends after you've been with someone for a really long time can be a hard thing to do, but it is possible. you know how when you date a person for so long your friends and his friends kinda clash so you move towards one of the groups more than the other, not because you don't like one of the groups its just one group has more things to go do. well this happened in my relationship with my ex and it seemed like if we ever broke up i would have no real friends anymore, because all my friends were now his friends. when we did break up i tried to go back to my same group of girl friends but that was hard because they all have boyfriends of their own so you just feel like the third wheel. not wanting to sit at home all day i decided I'd rather be a third wheel than a loner, so i call up some of my old girlfriends and try to get them to hang out. because they knew that i still loved them as a friend, they weren't to offended that i hadn't been hanging out with them as much as i did before because they all knew what i was talking about when it came to boyfriends. finally getting someone to invite me to go with them somewhere i jump on the opportunity and tag along with her and her boyfriend. but they had other people with them who were single and being around single people made my night even better because then i didn't feel like the third wheel. getting to know some new people and finally feel like i was being myself again after so long of being smothered by one person i opened up and had a really great time with some new people that i feel like i can hang out with and call my friends.

I'm actually having one of my new friends over today to work on his psychology fair project with me, i know its not much but at least I'm still making it without the person i have basically put my last two years of life into. now that i have learned what to do i think making friends will be a breeze and moving on will come in its own time, but i shouldn't try and force it upon myself or anyone else. so cheers to breakups and making new friends, anyone who has been in a relationship knows what I'm cheering about.

Sea of Blue and Spots of Orange

this weekend with my family i went the last game of the play off season to see if UK would be able to play in the new years eve bowl. they played Tennessee it was a close game the whole time, but losing was not in the sight of all the UK fans rooting on their team all they could see was victory. people blinded by the haze of alcohol to see that we were to chicken to run the ball in the last 30 seconds to try and get a touchdown. no we had to go for the field goal which we made but only tied us to put us into overtime. freezing up in the nose bleeds with my cousin Jessica we decide to go look for the rest of the family, having been separated by seat numbers. going down to their aisle all we see are the dads and my sister Marcie. having no phone reception we cant get hold of the moms and my oldest sister Megan. Jessica and i freezing decide overtime isn't worth it the fans behind us were going out of control. jumping and screaming, high fives, and special water to wet their throats, we decide to go looking for our moms. on the way down we ran into a sea of blue with spots of orange in the middle not knowing which direction to go in we just start to speed up the pace, and try calling our moms as we descended the stairs we found out where they were and raced down to see them hoping they could get us warm. once we saw them in bottom level it was a sprint to see who would get to their mom first.

this game experience wasn't over yet we had to wait until the game got over to head back to the car with the boys, but at least now we were a little warmer. watching the end of the game on the big screen we saw the end of the game, only to watch UK fall down and Tennessee run the ball to the in zone during the overtime. after that long time of standing in the cold the people above ready to get to their cars to warm up stamped down the stairs and beneath it sounds like the stadium is about to fall down on us as everyone swarms down the ramp.

surprisingly i only see one fight and lots of drunk people, but the experience was a great one. this only helped me to anticipate college even more, not being able to wait to see every game the way those UK college fans did, with maybe a little haze blocking my vision as well.

forgiveness :( POEM by me

The white rose symbolizes the hope for fogiveness, and the red symbolizes the hope to still love...

why do people have to make mistakes? i mean i know everyone isn't perfect, but without the big mistakes in life there would be a lot less pain. i mean think about it more parents would stay together, relationships would last longer, friendships would be forever, and no one would have to cry anymore. everyone has those moments of messing up and then having to jump back to save their butt, in order to keep the ones they love closest to them without driving them away. no one wants to drive the people they love away it just sometimes happens int he worst way, you just want their forgiveness so bad and they give it to you but you still feel like crap from making such a big mistake. so then you try and be to over barring and loss all control of sensibility that is just enough to drive them away. i wish we could just learn from mistakes and the ones who cared about us would forgive and forget, they can do the forgiving part but most never forget especially the guilty one.

" i never meant to push you away,

i just wanted you to give me another day,

a day of hope,

a day to drop,

all the bad mistakes,

and all the fakes,

i never meant to push you away,

i just wanted to be selfish and have you for one more day..."

I'm sorry for all my bad mistakes boo, please lets go on living our lives hopefully with each other, we've made it through tougher times and this is no different, lets just work things out and forget all the bad things, but never forget the lessons learned.

thanksgiving turkey

you know the memory you have from thanksgiving from when you were in elementary school making paper turkeys using your hands. you know when your teacher gives you a piece of paper and says, "trace your hand to the paper and that will start you off on your turkey." having fun moving your pencil around your hand trying to make it as close as possible to the way the teacher had done it, and looking up to see that your behind still tracing the hand to the brown construction paper. your trying to make sure you do as good as possible so you can give it to your parents to hang up for the thanksgiving dinner. hurrying to catch up with the teacher to cut the hand out of the brown paper and catch up with everyone else. then all of a sunned your teacher is hanging you a piece of white paper and she says to glue the brown hand down to the white paper so we can add the feathers and legs. getting out crayons you begin to follow the coloring patterns of your teacher to get the legs drawn with three pointy things and a line for its legs. then the teacher begins to tell you the history of thanksgiving as you work on the coloring. drawing the beak, eyes, and red gobbler we then get to the fun stuff, coloring with reds, oranges, and yellows to make pretty large feathers. getting your choice of colors and placement and still trying to do your best you finally get done with the paper turkey and being proud cant wait to show it to your parents. going home for thanksgiving break you give your parents the turkey and they love it, hanging it up for everyone to see as we have our thanksgiving feast. a big smile on your face as people comment on the cute paper turkey, something everyone has done before.

invision the sound "Rain"

We just watched this video for English about rain and it was so interesting because it showed how all these people were working together going at different paces and hardness but still keeping it consistent. they used only their bodies to make the sound of rain, but still in reality the sound of their hands making the noise sounded exactly like rain. the sound of the rain drops hitting the ground and the thunder booming, closing your eyes you can hear sounds all around you, and those sounds can make the noise of things so familiar to you. for example here in Mrs. Matthews room there is the air conditioner that makes a similar noise to a cricket, the first day i heard it i found it to be annoying, but now i can just close my eyes and it takes me back to the nights when I'm lying in my bed and all i hear is the sound of crickets chirping. taking me back to that relaxing place helps me to stay calm and get things done just like I'm at my hours in my bed doing my home work. the sound of the rain on this video was the same way, i feel as if every time i cry the sky is crying with me and the sound of the earth crying with me makes me sooth and feel as if nothing that I'm crying about can be as important as what the earth is crying about. the tears are everywhere on my face, but the rain from the clouds is all over the land, more tears falling every second making everyone worth every ounce of pain. i feel as if the earth is sad with me and feels my pain, but knowing that i know the earth has cried for more years than me and that if it has made it through all the pain that i can make it through anything that's happening to me now.

Some of my favorite shows I've learned from CHECK IT OUT!

The Best Shows Ever

I have recently become hooked on these shows dealing with home remolding and realtor selling. there is a great channel that provides you with nonstop new ideas, its called HGTV. one of my favorite shows to watch would have to be color splash, i have pulled a lot of creativity from David Bromsteads designs. he thinks the same way i do, he thinks by colors and shapes, he uses these two things to really bring a room together rather than taking expensive things to make a place look rich he uses great color themes that compliment one another and inexpensive art pieces that he creates. using the idea for a what the owner of the home has in mind and his own creative mind to create great rooms for his TV makeover homes. i enjoy David because he draws all his ideas out by hand and still uses color pencils to show how his inventive idea of color can really help to bring a room to life. thinking along the same lines as him and aspiring to be as creative as hm one day i continue to watch his show in love and fascinated by what David is going to do next.

Another show i really enjoy is called For Rent, the host, realtor, and designer being Jodi Gilmour. she is woman who helps people find places for rent in their home towns, she uses what they give her as an idea to find what they are looking for in a home if that location, hardwood flooring, multiple rooms, or whatever their needs may be. she shows them properties for rent and allows them to hear her ideas for problem ares that they may see in the building they are considering. using her idea plans and their own budget she get her customers settled in their new place and helps them to decorate using inexpensive ways to make the space really work for each person. using creativity and the work of her hand men she gets the job done under $1,000; this includes the place fully decorated all furniture moved in and ready to start living.

These two designers use inventive ways to make their shows enjoyable to watch and help me to learn a lot about real estate design, function, and new ideas for my own art work. so if your into home design and helpful hints on what to look for when your decorating your place or buying a new house, these shows give you helpful hints on what to look for and to not keep your expectations to high because if you do you will never find a home that fits all your needs. leave room for improvement in your budgeting and keep and open mind to see the full potential a place can hold.

please read this

STRESS OVERLOAD

i which that teachers would talk to one another and figure out what they are going to be doing so that students don't have to stress out about homework and tests. the reason students stress is because teachers don't communicate with one another to know everything that is going on for example we could have 3 projects do all around the same time, and having chapter tests on the same days, more than two tests that are hard should not be put on the same day. i really wish that all teachers would take into consideration that school is not students only thing that they do. some kids have jobs, others play sports, some are in clubs that require work outside of school, and others would like to have a social life and have a little fun their senior year. its not that i don't think teachers have a hard job, they do, but i wish they would take the students side of hearing this and understand what I'm saying. if teachers would talk to one another they could understand what students mean when there stressed out. students would probably do better in school and work harder and have better looking test scores and projects if teachers would find out when they are do those things so they wont all be at the same time.

a good example of this student is me, i have a job, go to school, play two sports, am involved in clubs and other extra curricular activities that involve my friends and family. i enjoy school and making good grades. this is why it is so hard for me not to get stressed when i hear i have three big projects do all around the same time or have big tests worth a lot of points on the same day. I'm undergoing this stress now as I'm typing this, I'm too young for this. i know that teachers are just trying to prepare us for college, and the real world, but now if it can at all be helped shouldn't the teachers just talk to one another so this doesn't happen for us now while were in high school. right now at school i have great example of too much at one time, i have work Mondays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays, i have three big projects due really soon, a couple big tests next week that i know of, a volunteer project Friday night, visiting the Louisville campus next week, and my new sport beginning. it sounds like a lot because it is a lot! I've always been able to get everything done though, but i still stress out every time. i just wish teachers would take what i have to say into consideration, this is what i know you guys really need to hear. this method of communication could really help out test scores and improve kids GPA's dramatically. i hope that you will read this to understand our stress as kids and think about my suggestion. i would like you thoughts on my idea if you have the time....

A plan and I would like your thoughts?

My passion is art, but like every other artist i have to get my name known in order to make it in this business. my dream is to open a consignment shop, which is like a used clothing store but the clothes are in good shape and show a different kid of creativity. inside the consignment shop i would also like to play up my art by incorporating my own gallery for my artwork. and to make this place even more original i would like to have a little cafe area towards the back for a just a peaceful, organic, and fun area to drink your coffee and read a book. this place is meant for all ages and all types of people, it had everything from high fashion art made by me, used clothing that is unique and inexpensive, and little place to chow down and relax or chat it up with your friends. you can do three things in one shop, eat, and have a fun time; this is a functional, fun and inspiring place that i hope one day could become a reality for me.
More in depth to take the first step forward into this new and inventive idea i decided to draw everything out and decide the design, colors, food used, and everything i could think of. getting this started has really got me to thinking this idea is going to come over time and require me to save money and start making a name for myself now so i will have clientele later when this dream becomes a reality. starting off with a saving account and putting some money aside every paycheck i get will get me to where i need to be when the time comes. also having good friends around when the opening happens will start the business off on a good foot and bring about more business when the word gets out about my new shop. this new idea has also got me to thinking i need to make connections! not sure how to do this yet i know it is something i have to start now in order to get things moving in this fast moving economy.
Having the details was easy and here are some that i have come up with: decorative art on the walls that is made by me, a neutral colored wall to really make the wall art pop and not distract the buyers from the artwork itself because it doesn't look good on that color wall. there will be rods on two walls holding most of the clothing which will be separated by size and style labeled for people to see for easy buying. wooden flooring to create a simple and easy to clean flooring that appeals to the eyes and helps to tie in the natural feel of a lot of my artwork. the lighting will be pieces that i have designed and inset lighting that will brighten up the room and provide a good lighting on my art work and make the clothes look sheik and new like they would in a store in the mall. there will be an L shaped desk that will hold a register, my laptop, a debit card machine, and a pot that will burn incense to give off a good aroma to appeal buyers to think that what they are buying is natural and if all the senses are working together it will cause people to pay more money for what they are buying and think what they are getting is worth what they are paying. decorative table tops will draw a buyers eyes to something and think what they see is fun and funky, i would place jewelery and hats and other items on the table to get more buying to help support my business.
Towards the back of the shop i would have a little cafe area with a long L shaped bar seating and eating area with a small table in the middle of the shop for a couple to sit and talk while they eat. in the corner of the shop close to the back door i would have a bay window in which people can sit and read while they drink their coffee and just relax to the calming smells of coffee and brownies with the sun shinning in on them to make warm and lite. the cafe will have sandwiches, smoothies, desserts, veggies, and fruit. sandwiches include: Pb&J, turkey, BLT, and grilled cheeses; smoothies: raspberry, strawberry, mango, coconut, orange, pineapple, banana, and more; fruit: apples, oranges, bananas, grapes, strawberries, raspberry's, blueberries, kiwi, and more; veggies: carrots, broccoli, and salads; and of course there will be coffee, and cokes, but never forgetting the comfort food the desserts consisting of: brownies, cookies, banana bread, and cinnamon rolls.
From the inside of the cafe part there will be a door to the back of the building in which will be more seating for eating and socializing. there will be two tables outside that will be able to with stand all weather conditions that are colorful and fun with designs. the ground will be concrete so that people can draw on it with sidewalk chalk for a fun and youthful vibe so every ones little artist can come out. another creative idea and kind of disgusting idea is that with everything that you purchase at my shop or cafe you will receive a piece of bubble gum, but once you get done chewing the gum you stick it to the wall outside to make a bubble gum wall. this wall will be different with all different colors of gum and each person that is a customer at my place will have a special place on the wall of gum.they take a piece of me with them and i get a piece of them with their own sidewalk chalk art and bubble pieces in their own special places.
This idea is hopefully a reality for me in the future and i would like to know what people think of my idea and have their input on what they think i should do to make it even better...
Thanks, Molly Blandford
*(The Original Idea)*

A Lesson Learned

okay so this fall break i was supposed to go visit the UofL campus for my official campus visit, but this didn't happen. the story goes a little something like this i went up to Louisville following my friend and by the time we got into the town of Louisville it was dark, which was pretty scary for me because i don't like not knowing where I'm going. when suddenly we come up to this light and we are in a turning lane only and i try to cut over still following my friend and flipping out because i have to ride over this median and cut off another driver. after almost getting into a wreck my trip was starting off fantastic; me and my friend finally arrive at her house where I'm going to be living while attending college to see what the house is like and meet her family to make sure this is going to work out. the house was great, it was large enough to hold two families, and it had a pool and a hot tub :). having gotten to see where i would be staying while living there helped me to get an understanding of how much stuff i would need to buy and get a chance to meet her brothers and mom who would also be living with us. her brother turned out to be pretty cool and her mom was really nice, this kind of bringing the trip back up to the level where i like it on the happiness meter. the night we go to bed not having talked to my friends mom about the visit to the college yet. the next day we wake up and go out on the town with my friends oldest brother; we visit a consignment shop and then me and my friend decide to hit the mall to do some shopping. looking up for the next day when our visit was supposed to be set up i cant wait to go visit the college. the real adventure was still to come. going home that night exhausted from shopping we talk to her mom about the campus visit and she says she couldn't get one set up for this week, and of course this makes the whole reason i came up to Louisville useless, but i still had fun. me and my friend the next day not having anymore money or anything to do we decide to head downtown and set up a visit ourselves, but not before we got lost for and hour on the campus. hungry and tired because the trip wasn't how i planned i start to get a little aggravated and tell my friend i have to eat something or I'm just going to get really mean. we quickly find a McDonald's and chow down, feeling much better with some food on my belly we finally find where we are supposed to go and make our appointment with the admissions office. still wishing to have visited the campus and little mad that this whole trip i had been wasted i decided to then look at the bright side at what i had gotten from his trip . i learned to not get mad at something that wont change, stay calm under pressure, eat when your hungry, and i got to catch up with an old friend. happy to have gotten some good things done the big problem was still to come i still had to go visit my sister, taking the lessons that i learned from Louisville i set off for Lexington and made it there and got what i wanted done by using these news lessons i had learned. I'm glad I'm learning now because i know down the road college is only go to bring more lesson learning so getting a head start now is a great beginning.

wendell foster volunteering

A new experience for me was this Saturday when i went to the Wendell foster home to help with a family fun day and volunteered to help some of the young ladies and men whose families couldn't make it. i was taken back when i saw my buddy and the severity of his disability, only ever really being around special needs kids as severe as Melissa and Cody. but my guy was even worse off he couldn't walk, talk, or control his bodily functions, it made me sad at first to see his condition but then as the day went on i go to understand what he could understand and we created a bond of music and talking to one another. we had this maraca when i first came up to him and he was rattling it like crazy, not yet understanding his reasoning for having it. then as we entered the cake walk they played music and Ryan began to dance impressed by his love for music and the movement of dancing in his chair really brightened Ryan's face and completely changed his attitude then understanding only why he had his maraca to play. connecting with Ryan made me have a deeper understanding for these special needs people with Cabral palsy. volunteering at Wendel foster was a great thing for me to do giving me a broader perspective of the severity of disabilities people can have and how they deal with these everyday handicaps. taking a new a bigger look at things is good for all people to do, i would like to suggest that if anyone thinks their life is terrible they should take a new look at life by volunteering your time to help these very special people and understand you have it easy compared to them and they keep living everyday to the fullest, never having dull moment.

why are people so rude? :(

why are people so rude? is it because of their insecurities? is it because they are just plain mean to me because they don't like me? i just don't understand where people get the idea that it is okay to be rude and mean to me, what did i ever do to them? yesterday was just one of those days it seemed like everyone had ganged up and decided to be mean to me and only me, i know that's probably not how it really was but i had gotten some bad news that day and then i had a headache, and just felt all around hurt. i think that people are rude because they think by being brutally honest they will hurt me but the truth of the matter is i would rather find out the truth from them and just hear it straight forward. hearing the news from someone else just make me sick to my stomach knowing that i haven't been told the whole truth, it really hurts. this rudeness could be handled with in a better manner, but it seems that they think by not tell me the whole truth they were protecting me from getting upset but the truth normally comes out one day and the pain just hurts even more knowing that a person you care about can lie to your face and keep it from you for more than a minute. then i went to soccer and thought well i can take out some of my anger here, but i was dong terrible at practice and couldn't even get a good touch on the ball making my mood even worse and then going into this aggressive drill i got nailed in the face about 4 time with elbows. i seemed at the time that my teammates were doing this to me on purpose, but he truth of the matter is they were just playing aggressively and my face just so happens to be next to their elbows causing my face much pain, and my head to hurt even more. so to answer my own question i don't think people are rude on purpose, but to me yesterday that's what i thought when all these things were happening to me. some people may be rude because they are insecure or just don't like me but that hasn't really occurred in a long time, since middle school. people are who they are and the only person or thing that can make them change is themselves and this takes time, and commitment.

my favorite place to go

there's a place that everyone has that they want to go when they are upset, need to think about things, and have a good time. well i have found me one of those places that has a great view, is quiet most of the time, and is a great place to go fishing. this place is relaxing and shows great qualities that have made this the best place to go when I'm upset or scared or just plain happy. i think everyone needs one of these places to go to when they think they have no where else to go, some people can merely just escape in their mind and leave all that they have behind and escape into a world of their own. this is what i do when i escape to my favorite place. where i go to get a lot of thinking done and inspiration for my art projects comes from this special place. a lot of people know about this place and may even use it as their secret get away but nobody knows its mine which is what makes it so special to me. a get away where nobody can find me or get a hold of me a secret outdoor area i can call my own, kind of like the garden in the book the Secret Garden, ever since i read this book i dreamed of a good get away place and now that i can drive I've got a good place of my own. A Dream Come True, Not Asking A Lot Of Anything...

my favorite holiday

my favorite holiday has always been and always will be Halloween and now that its coming up and the leaves are changing its bringing around the more wonderful weather, colors, and holidays. my favorite holiday is Halloween, i mean you get free candy and you get to dress up goofy or scary and be something that your not, which i think are just the best things in the whole world. who doesn't love candy? and getting to dress up as something spooky? well i know i sure do! to add to this great holiday there is great weather and lots of beautiful colors to see as the seasons change from summer to fall. there's even more to love about this great time of year, there are scary movies on t.v., cool decorations that create a spooky feel all about town, which i love, and our annual camping trip to Lincoln State Park over fall break. allof these things coming around right about now has brought around a new me, someone who is happy for her favorite holiday to hurry up and come and all the great things that come with my favorite holiday. i know lots of people's favorite holiday is Christmas which i also like,. but Christmas has no real great feel for me its always cold and a stressful time to make sure you get everyone the gifts they want. this holiday was meant to be something that you remembered Christ and people have turned it into something over done. this is why my favorite holiday is Halloween and not Christmas, its not because I'm like the anti-Christ or anything its just all the things that come with Halloween that make it my favorite holiday.

OMG finding that one photo

okay so i come home from work and arrive to my mom with pictures all over the house. she's been here for an hour or so and all she's seemed to do is make a big mess and find nothing. she's been looking for this one picture of me on my sisters bike that she got for her birthday and i really wanted to ride it even though i was too little and i had been on this streak of wearing my new goggles that i had gotten to go swimming. my mom was standing behind me as i set off down the sidewalk cheesing really big with my goggles on and the bike about to tip over. my dad took the picture and this has turned out to be the best picture that my mom wanted to use for the senior pictures and she couldn't find it out of all my pictures it was no where to be found. when i got home to see my mom so distraut over this one picture i decided to help her find it. not having a clue where it could be either i just looked through what she had already gone through and not being able to find it either i found some other really cute pictures of me that my mom could use for the senior thing but she insists on the one with me on the bike. not being able to find it after and hour or two we give up and just hope it will turn up over time. i hate when you are looking for something and you just cant find it and then you find it when you least expect it. after all the hard work and dust covering me and my mom and the house being a wreck we decide to just pick up and hope to find it in time. lets just hope we find this picture so i can satisfy my mom.

college essays and scholarships

so I'm kind of thinking these college essays for scholarships are really going to catch up to me soon and I'm not going to get it all done and then I'm not going to have any money to pay for college. i mean i know I'm not going to be able to pay for all of my college without taking a loan but id like to get as much scholarshipmoney as possible. this is what i have been working so hard for in high school for; i make good grades, take all the challenging classes, and i am trying to raise my ACT score all for my future as a college student. now i just need to take the time and fill out as many scholarship applications as possible and get as much money as i can. this is going to be my best bet i just hope i can do it before the deadlines. i think something that would help me a lot with these applications would be to write some essays in my English class and have other English teachers revise them to make them sound as good as possible for the college council and other scholarship reviewers to read. i think this is something that the AP class is doing and would be a great activity for us to do. this will help not only me but other people in my class who are worried about college and not getting everything done in the given time.

why do people always want what they can't have?

sometimes i just wish nothing came down to the cost of things and just relied on trade and trusting among good people. here in the united states that's not how things work, everyone must go to school, and have job in order to survive in this competitive economy we have today. the new inventions and great minds of the world make it so hard not to want what you just cant have unless you have the money for these things. having a job in high school and playing sports can be stressful and very time consuming, so in order to manage my time better in high school with my challenging schedule and time consuming sport i had to quit my job during soccer season which means a cut back on buying. this just so happens to be more difficult than i thought because I'm wanting a lot lately. having lots of thoughts of the future and college i want to try to be ahead of the game by buying stuff ahead of time so i don't have to buy it all at once and have no college fund money when i actually get there. i know this sounds silly but i like to think ahead and be prepared for the distant future. the concept of having a trade system back and just plain kind people to give you what you want and need would be great but cause a fault in our society because people are now used to earning what they buy and paying overly priced prices for things that they want. if only the world would be more conducive to the type of lifestyle i want to live without working to hard for the things that you want or need. but then the probability of me taking care of these things would reduce because in the back of my mind i would know i didn't really work that hard for it and i could just get another one. so having what you always want isn't the best thing for the real world, but i can always dream.

a scarey phone call

as im walking through the store i feel my phone vibrating in my pocket not wanting to answer because i was so busy focusing on what i was buying for my art project i get this feeling in my gut saying to do it. as i pressed the button to answer the phone i hear my moms voice on the other side and as the words escape her mouth so slowly and calmly saying that Marcie had been in a car accident, my heart just drops with worry. all i could think about when she said this is how one of my friends on teh soccer team and how one of her friends mom and her had been in a car accident and her mom had died, only two days before marcies accident. then i heard the reassuring words of that she is fine, just a few scratches, maybe a concussion, a broken nose, and a pretty banged up car. there was no real treat of death so some relief lifted when i heard these words from my mom. hearing marcie in the background saying she okay only worrying about when she can eat, and go home to see belle, thats just marcie for ya. knowing tha marcie was okay just hurting her nose and ego a little bit and completly totaling the car sticking to her story that it wasnt her fault, when it really was juat made the situation harder for her to comprehend. when i arrived hom ei inspected her nose and asked her a few questions about what had happened she seemed in pain whch just made me feel uncomfortable to see her in so much pain which she's never in. sitting here watching my parents stress over the totaled car and marcies broken nose and watching marcie hold an ice pack up to her nose is just yet another typical night in the blandford househole.

the broke artist

this year i took an IB art class and have became very interested in the artwork i do, so interested money has become no factor to how far i will go. for example to day i had an idea of what i wanted my next piece to look like and to get all the supplies i needed i went on an adventure to my new favorite store, Hobby Lobby, to buy my goods. when i stepped in the store my eyes lite up with joy and i went straight for the floral decor. knowing what i was looking for made it actually harder to find because the flowers had to be the specific colors of the colorful roses i had previously taken photos of. after finally finding several flowers that were sufficient i went back to the back to make sure the piece i had bought the day before would look okay with the flowers i passed by an array of quotes that captured my attention all dealing with love which is the symbol of my piece this time. as i read the quotes i realized i had an ingenues idea to make my piece even grander. i walked around and gathered some great quotes and in doing so i stumbled across the most amazing piece that went perfectly with the thing i had bought the day before and i just knew it would all come together with this metal hanger type thing. getting all the supplies together and assembling right there in the aisle seeing it all together just told me for sure this is what i was going for and was great. satisfied with my great finds and thinking nothing of the price yet i arrived up at the cash register with a huge grin of accomplishment when all of a sudden i heard the terrifying price. not wanting to give up everything i had looked for i just swiped my card and held back the tears as the money was swiped from my bank account into the hands of the over priced economy. i call my mom first thing and tell her the stupid thing I've done and she just reassures me that art is expensive and that she knows i have a passion for it, which might catch up to me one day and make a dying poor artist one day like Van Gogh, but that its all worth it just to see the look on my face and the faces of my viewers when they see the final piece i have created.

these darn blogs!

AHHH technology !
okay so i used to love writing in our notebooks last year and the first thing i bought for school was a cute, little, purple journal. just as i had got used to the journals last year she decides to use technology this year and make us write blogs. i have nothing against blogs except for the fact that they are on the computer, and i have spastic computer a lot of the time that just decides not to work. i do like the fact that on blogs you can comment on what other people say because i would like to know how many people actually enjoy writing these blogs... blogging can be fun and easy if only technology always worked, but that's just the case this afternoon i was trying to do this blog and it kept logging me in and out and then i went to the bathroom for like 5 minutes and my computer just decides to shut off. do you know how frustrating it is to try and get things done when technology isn't on your side, well let me tell you first hand it is exhausting how much time i waste on just trying to get something to work the way it should. it doesn't really help that I'm technologically challenged and should probably take a computer 101 class and with more patience I'm sure this whole blogging thing wouldn't be so bad. does anyone else feel this way towards this darn blogging or just plain out dislike technology in general?

Committment

commitment is the key to all relationships, you have the trust issue and the loyalty to uphold. my relationship has had its up in downs in the past two years. which doesn't feel as long as that. we've dealt with the loyalty portion last year when we both had to figure out what we needed from one another to stay together. he ended up lying to me and getting caught never a good situation. at this moment in time I just wanted to crawl up in a hole and figure out what i had done wrong for him to want to lie to my face about something so big. it still to this day doesn't really make sense. his logic was he was scared i was going to leave him and then he would be all alone, but in a relationship that's the risk you are willing to take. you have to trust one another, and tell the truth no matter how bad it may be. now having resolved the whole loyalty issue we have moved on to trust which we both struggle with. our commitment to one another and love we share kept us together during that emotional time. we now just stay truthful to one another and tell each other what we are doing when we're not together. this still has its faults because in the back of my mind I'm always wondering if he's just lying to me again to keep his butt safe. we spend more time with one another and try to support each other in everything we do. this commitment has taken time, patience, loyalty, trust, and lots of love and support from others. most people these days don't understand the meaning of commitment, maybe that person is me, but i fellas if this definition works for me and my relationship and am happy to say it has supported us through hard times and good times. today September 9th is our two year anniversary, and we are still hanging in just like the rest of the world only fighting off the world as a couple rather than as individuals.

OMG math!

I'm normally the one that gets math, i understand numbers, but this year in math "AP Calculus" is about to drive me crazy. I'm in a class full to the brim and it makes it very hard to concentrate, we also have a sub right now that is very sweet but she is learning along with us which makes it hard to understand what she is teaching. the part that scares me is that i have a test in there tomorrow and i have no clue what we have even learned thus far. so i came home and started on all my homework never spending more than an hour on math i ended up spending almost 3 hours reteaching myself and taking my notes from my own book and trying to figure out what it was saying so i could complete the review for the test. I'm just hoping this will be enough to help me do good on this test. i mean I've never had to put so much effort into something I've always been blessed with a great math teacher. i know i have a great teacher but she had to have this time off to recover, and i need time to recover from this studying. i just wish this sub that we have would understand that some of us students didn't want this AP course but had to take it because we couldn't have an accelerated class because not enough people signed up. i think this teacher should allow us to take this test home or at least use our notes because even with my notes on my homework i barely understood what to do right after teaching to myself. this class is just crazy all around and i think it's just too much especially since its not the class i wanted.

OHIO COUNTY

so last night was a really big game against ohio county and the turn out wasnt what i planned. we started the game with some good intensity and had a little mess up in the beginning of the game that allowed them to make their first goal. the goal wasn't all that great but it was still a goal which put our team down 1 to 0. from this we played more intense playing a defensive game trying not to let them score again, but we were also trying to give our forward a breakaway up top to go score. in the last 2 minutes of the game we picked up the intensity even more and got the ball down the field for a corner taken by Hayden and bouncing off about 3 people before Jana got a foot on the ball to make the game tied 1 to 1. the buzzing of the timer for half time got everyone a great break which turned bad quickly after the sound of the buzzer. the lights on the field went out causing about a 15 minute delay in the game causing everyone to become relaxed and unfocused. when the lights finally came back on the game started up again with the second half i think we came out flat and on our heels not ready for their intensity. this brought our team down by a point on a silly shot put off by ohio county making the score 2 to 1. ths didnt bring us down but our defense was just having an off night and we couldnt get our passing together to get the ball up on our side of the field and keep it up there to make a goal. ohio county came out with even more intensity scoring a thrid goal and all of our heads hung low aafter that with no one thinking we could come back from 3 to 1 just brought the game from a high of beating one of our worst rivals to the lowest of low by allowing them 2 more shots on goal to complete the game 5 to 1. walking off th efield in shame and embarassment, tears swelling in my eyes holding them back till i got off the field. going home one unhappy camper for being so close and losing it all in the second half after a long unintentional break. having faith in my team to come out and want it as much as i did wasnt to much to ask i thought but we just really needed everyone on their A game and it just wasnt there. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Game of Doom!

So last night we one of the biggest games of the year for our girls soccer team, we played DAVIESS COUNTY! I personally was really nevous about the game and wanted to win so bad it made me sick to my stomach. before the game had started I looked in the stands for my parents and boyfriend, not seeing my boyfriend anywhere my mind got sidetracked from the game, and i just got plan out mad. The whistle to the start of the game and my anger towards my boyfriend not being there made the game all more important to me. At kickoff I was ready for take off and down the field I went not slowing down for anything or anyone. Not knowing that the newpaper photographer was there capturing my hard intense moves as i bodied a girl from daviess county off the ball he snapped the shot that would be on the front page of the newpaper in the sports section the next day. When i arrived home from the game thinking about the game the whole way home and how we lost 2-1 in the last 2 mins. and 30 secs. of the game from a goal that Paige Cramer lofted over 3 of our defenders and into the back of the net making that swoosh sound and the ball hitting the ground making that thud sound. That play kept running through my head as i sat there in my car. I'm not gunna lie i had tears streck down my checks all the way home not only because i lost the game but also because my boyfriend wasn't there to support me as i went against the only team in our district who hadn't been scored on yet. I wish i would of had the support from him to be there and i wish i would have taken the reason he gave me better than i did. i wish i would just listen to his reason, say it's ok, and move on but my mind doesnt work that way i react and get mad and sad, instead of understanding. now that i'm looking at how i acted last night i feel terrible for some of the things i said and how selfish i sounded. this game could have been a boom instead of a doom if only we hadnt fallen apart in the second half.

Worries!

Being a senior is a lot harder than people made it out to be, i still have homework, and still have a lot to think about it's not all fun and games. I mean i didn't expect it to be easy as cake, but i didn't think I would have to stay up till 2 in the morning finishing homework. That's just crazy for me. I have a really easy day and then a really, really hard day at school, and I play soccer , I work on the weekends, and I have to try to keep everyone around me happy all the time. Life is hard! Sometimes I wish i could just take a breath and relax for a chance, but it doesn't seem like there is time for that anymore I have to much to do and think about. i always have school, work , and my future running through my head all the time and it just stresses me out, i mean I'm already getting the wrinkles on my forehead from all my stress. I am lucky to have people there for me like my boyfriend and family to help me out with all my stress. my mom and I went out last night and got our nails done for her birthday and went to eat which was a nice break but then i came home and was just slammed with homework and things to do. i just wish this year could be less stressful and get to the fun part already!